May 25, 2012

Shatter my Illusions...

*sighs* Without words...I love Nobu <3

Did you watch the anime? Read the manga?
Some friends often tell me that I am kinda like Hachi when it comes to love...and I am not sure if thats really a good thing...well it isn't I think, but still Hachi is the one character from the story I can connect to the she is feeling really lost and lonely and is just trying to fill a void...and her actions seem totally random for others...most people really seem to dislike her character but well, I can relate...not that I don't know that I myself turn into a total retard when it comes to love but well, can't change who I am though xDDD

So, do you have characters from a TV series or anime you can relate to? Tell me, the Nerd in me really wants to know *fufufu*

Lats of love and kisses to my sweeties <3


  1. Sorry, but even you can change. It's only a matter of an open mind and your own willpower.

    You are you and not some fictional character. Hachi has the weakness, that she doesn't risk to change herself, cause she's afraid to and too comfortable with her life, even if it doesn't make her happy.

    Life is not bound to destiny, but to your own doings. Life is not about loving only one person and patronizing him/her (like Hachi's doing). But life is about loving yourself more than everyone else because you are the one who you spend your whole life with. Isn't it the best to put effort into being the person I always can be proud of?

    So honestly there are no characters I can relate to, cause I'm unique and it's something to be proud of.

    1. Well~ wanting to change and failing at that are two different shoes...for me at least. Everytime some love-related whatever changes in my life I say to myself "The next time you definitely won't fall for that, I'll definitely don't take the wrong guy...again. From now on I definitely won't ever rely on a guy to be happy"...and what happens when the time comes? When I am alone I am miserable and feel empty, I start to think about unnecessary stuff. And to be honest, yes, I am in love at the moment, I don't want to be, I know that this sooner or later breaks me and makes me more miserable BUT I just can't let go of that person even though I know all that...I don't want to miss him in my life even though he is the most selfish person on earth.

      And well, atm I am rather proud of the person I have become...just because I haven't thrown away the dreams I had 10 years ago. Maybe I am still too naive and see some things in a weird way...I try to not doubt people, I give them a million second chances...I am way too nice and that led me to many many dissappointments and I hurt people with it but changing that would mean throwing an important part of me away. I want to be someone people can rely on, I WANT to patronize and love someone with all my heart and in return I want the same thing back...and I need to believe in something like destiny...I NEED HOPE!

      And I myself also see me as a unique person with no-one to compare to BUT every single human on earth has people who inspire them to be better and people they can relate to to not feel connect! And again I have to say I am proud of the person I have become although I still am in no way the person I need to become...BUT as you said, if I change I'll do it for me to be happy and no-one else. So that concludes: Loving Me is loving and connecting to others! I am definitely not made for solitude xDDD

    2. Nobody is made for solitude (not even I :P), but we have to accept, that people come and go in and out of our life. We can't force them to stay with us, as bad as we want, cause everyone has its own life and and their way of thinking and we can't underestimate the power of time. :) The only thing we can do is to offer the people we like to spend time with us on our path of life together as equal beings. At some time there will be persons who get lost on this way and new people will follow, but you are the one constant in your life. =) Sometimes we forget that we are responsible for our life and it's easy to accuse everything and everyone around us that it's not going the way we want it to go. I can't tell you how to live your life, I just can give you hints for a mindset you can develope for yourself to grow to a much more lovelier person not for me or other people, but for yourself.

      Being happy is not always about changing yourself completely, but perhaps changing your mindset. This way helps me to never forget that I'm thankful for every friend I have, even if we fight, because they care to take a walk with me on my way. ;)

      It's not about what you should do or not, but it's about to not forget yourself. And that's a problem Hachi has. She gives everything for everyone but herself. And thats something I don't want you to become, because you are empty some day and I know that because I did that kind of thing some years ago. I want you to be happy, but you have to learn to depend your happiness not only on others but ALSO on yourself, which you already realized. :)

      It's not easy to change. And I know that it's hard work to maintain the willpower to change and the constant realisation when I fail and then adjust and change again. :) It was hard work for me at that time, but I realised that I can't go one the way I was with deep depressions and no motivation for going on living. Noone of you knows me like that, you never even caught a glimpse of that being I was 4 years ago. I don't think much about the past, I only remind myself, that I never want to be like that again. Drained of my will to stay alive, I laid in bed and didn't want to eat for weeks, always remembering the person I focused my happiness and life on. And then there came a person I rarely had spoken to and he told me about inner developement and after that I found my own way.

      You can be proud of yourself, cause you grew up to a loveable person. :) You need just some small adjustments, like you already said, to become happy for yourself. You may seem naive and too nice for your own good, but you have your life in your own hands and a lot of friends who want to support you. There is nothing like destiny, cause you are the creator of your life, the red thread in your life you weave in the way you want it to be! And I know you are strong enough to do that, you make your own decisions, just have more confidence in yourself. =) You already took a big step going to Stuttgart all alone by yourself. It's something I am proud of, you managed to do that all by yourself, pulling yourself out of that so called destiny, where you thought that noone wants you. You can build up on that. <3 So there is always hope, cause you are alive! :)

      You know, I love you and want to help you. You know, I care a whole lot about you. I know I am a bit of a lone wolf in our group though surrounded by you all, and not really much of a talkative person, but I also want to connect to all of you and I want you all to like and cherish me the way I do with you. :) I want to accompany you on your way and want to invite you to do it as well on my way. <3